Something to be proud of

To be good at anything. To rise from mediocrity. That is not something easy to explain.

I’ve been writing since the longest time and along the way, I’ve also tried some other things that interests me. Like dancing, working as a customer service worker, a waitress, a supermarket cashier and even a book store assistant. Some of the things were fun because I was doing them with friends and those days just seem more fun and carefree despite the long hours and crap jobs.

Along the way, I found out that it is not possible for me to have too many things on my plate, if I want to be truly good at something. Somehow, in the naiveté of youth, I imagined myself to be a professional dancer AND hotshot journalist, traversing the world over and meeting new and exciting people and things each day. That dream sort of broke after entering poly, when I realize just how much effort and knowledge was required to produce anything of quality.

I saw myself as a writer, but I didn’t know what to write about. So I wrote about anything and everything that people gave me, and it became clear to me that I had to take an interest in something specific in order to become some kind of “expert” about it.

I saw myself as a dancer, but I lacked personal style that makes a person stand out from the crowd. So I stuck in the background and laugh it off whenever I goofed up on the choreography. A clown to mask the lack of confidence and awkwardness, I suppose.

If I ever want to be good at anything, I guess the first step is to admit that I’m serious about it and to work my lazy ass (and brain). Guess my biggest problem is complacency and lack of drive (or maybe they are the same thing hah) I really want to be the kind of writer that my family can be proud of, and not just a cynical and jaded one who thinks she’s had enough of this world.