attack of ah bee :)

hehe it's finally the end of exam for me! haha got a stupid story to share with my nearest and dearest frens ;p
I came home and chanced upon a housemate of mine James, whom I had bumped into in the kitchen when I was having lunch earlier in the day. As he was washing his face I casually remarked that it was "James' Day", that I keep bumping into him. He then replied," Oh I wish the day was longer..." I immediately thought he was being his usual sweet-talker self and replied," You really know how to sweet-talk man..." while waving my butter knife at him. He asked me to repeat myself, and kept grinning at me. It was only until I got back to my room then I realize what he really meant about the day being longer (he had an exam the following day, and was wishing he had more time to study :s)

Moral of the story: Don't anyhow jump to conclusion and... I'm still as clueless as ever. Help me!!!

Beyond oneself

"As Mylius writes... to be green means to grow... therefore this virtue of generation and the preservation of things might be called the Soul of the World"

Jung writes:" The state of imperfect transformation, merely hoped for and waited for, does not seem to be one of torment only, but of positive, if hidden, happiness. It is the state of someone who, in his wanderings among the mazes of his psychic transformation, comes upon a secret happiness which reconciles him to his apparent loneliness. In communing with himself he finds not deadly boredom and melancholy but an inner partner; more than that, a relationship that seems like the happiness of a secret love, or like a hidden springtime, when the green seeds sprouts from the barren earth, holding out the promise of future harvests. It is the alchemical benedicta viriditas, the blessed greenness, signifying on the one hand the leprosy of the metals (verdigris), but on the other the secret immanence of the divine spirit of life in all things..."

A day of surprises :D

Just wanted to thank my cute little friends for sending the lovely prezzies over. Now that's a fantastic way of springing a surprise, cos it's totally unexpected and totally made my afternoon during the tedious process of going over my notes for an economics exam. Thank God I'm not taking the subject as a specialization... I don't think I can survive it for three or four years man. Thanks Yong for the beautiful shirt! It's the sweetest thing ever and no amount of words can describe what I'm feeling man T_T haha... will wear for CNY. I think very appropriate.

Growing older

This past year has held some of the biggest changes in my life. Moving away to another country, leaving my home, family and friends and setting up shop in an unfamiliar environment. Could still remember that first week, which didn’t quite seem like a holiday but didn’t feel like school either.

Well, now I’m feeling school all over. In both my arms, where I lugged around tv camera cases and tripod weighing a tonne from school to home, and back again. A good 20 min uphill/downhill workout… In my stiff aching shoulders, which are shared by chronic desk-bound workers. In that constant buzz buried somewhere in my head, that reminds me of sleep deprivation and long waking hours, and of course, the never-ending deadlines. Even through my soles, which feel and resemble sandpaper too. Still, glad to be alive...

Glad to receive sms-es from old friends back home :) Received some nice and thoughtful gifts from my housemates, and a pretty unusual one too. But thanks guys. Even though you can’t read this, it’s been great knowing you all and God knows where we would be a year from now. But we’re lucky just to get through the year with all pieces intact.

This year doesn’t quite feel like a celebration, more like a contemplation. Could be mostly due to the fact that it has been weeks of rushing for deadlines for everyone, and for me this week just happens to be one of the worst. And it’s still not over yet… it’s coming the week after. So looking forward to 11 Nov man…

An ordinary birthday for an ordinary girl. Happy birthday to me.

Something to be proud of

To be good at anything. To rise from mediocrity. That is not something easy to explain.

I’ve been writing since the longest time and along the way, I’ve also tried some other things that interests me. Like dancing, working as a customer service worker, a waitress, a supermarket cashier and even a book store assistant. Some of the things were fun because I was doing them with friends and those days just seem more fun and carefree despite the long hours and crap jobs.

Along the way, I found out that it is not possible for me to have too many things on my plate, if I want to be truly good at something. Somehow, in the naiveté of youth, I imagined myself to be a professional dancer AND hotshot journalist, traversing the world over and meeting new and exciting people and things each day. That dream sort of broke after entering poly, when I realize just how much effort and knowledge was required to produce anything of quality.

I saw myself as a writer, but I didn’t know what to write about. So I wrote about anything and everything that people gave me, and it became clear to me that I had to take an interest in something specific in order to become some kind of “expert” about it.

I saw myself as a dancer, but I lacked personal style that makes a person stand out from the crowd. So I stuck in the background and laugh it off whenever I goofed up on the choreography. A clown to mask the lack of confidence and awkwardness, I suppose.

If I ever want to be good at anything, I guess the first step is to admit that I’m serious about it and to work my lazy ass (and brain). Guess my biggest problem is complacency and lack of drive (or maybe they are the same thing hah) I really want to be the kind of writer that my family can be proud of, and not just a cynical and jaded one who thinks she’s had enough of this world.

Featuring two of the smartest and most talented people that I've had the privilege to know :)

http://www.designtaxi.com/features.jsp?id=275

Hope you enjoy it. If not, sorry for the trauma :P

Making friends

The times when I see friends being made are when people let down their guards and accept new people into their lives, some discriminately, others a little cautiously, having been bitten one too many times by snakes.

What should I think about a person who's sole motive in a foreign land, apart from pursuing his studies, is to behave like a little child, a very not well brought up one, one who demands the world to bow to him without paying his dues, one who doesn't know very much but acts as though he does?

What do I do with this person who apologises to me via a scribbled note that smacks of insincerity and desperation... or is it frustration? He certainly doesn't think he was wrong, just "unaware". Unaware of how his behaviour has affected others' lives time and again, despite several warnings. Unaware that the very reason why he hasn't been able to find even a single true friend to share his time and grumblings is self-dominant personality. That, coming from me, who's self-declared self-centeredness is world famous (or maybe just in the tiny island of Singapore, where trustworthy friends let you know just exactly where you stand in the wide humanscope)

What should I do? Call me a cynic but am I expected to say that just because you apologise I must accept, while thinking that any form of change would happen in the near future is simply being naively hopeful? Should I act like the two-face people and pretend that all is fine and dandy for just that one "special" day, and resume acting like an asshole for the rest of the year? I like to think I should remain honest on that count, at the very least. Not even good, or staying straight on a moral path. Just being honest. Very low standards but at least they're attainable.