world class speaker... not!

Patience is bitter, but the fruit is sweet. - French proverb

He he.. if there's one thing I'm not, it's a natural public speaker. Given a choice, I would rather get someone to tape down the entire solo presentation and broadcast it over tv. Of course, given that I'm no hot shot CEO or plagued with some horrible transmitable disease, the probability of that happening is next to zero.

I've finally come to the conclusion that I will always be afraid before my next speech. What makes me worth the attention that I'm about to get from a crowd of 10, 20, 30 or whatever number happens to be there? This could boil down to the lack of confidence and mental preparation that I've given myself. Frankly speaking, if I were someone else looking at me, I would be surprised at the inconfidence I have in myself, given my experiences and exposure. I would definitely expect something more, and sometimes I wonder why don't I expect more from myself than I do from others. Perhaps it's this unwillingness to confront my own demons that I've unable to make a breakthrough in my personal growth.

One thing for sure: demons truly exist whether we believe in them or not. The best way to have something good come out of this is to be honest with ourselves, think the best of people, and expect little or nothing from them. I used to think expectations are something that exists to boost one's performance and stretch the limits. Now i can see that it can also be something that could be taken for granted, and extremely self-limiting too. Live not for others, but yourself. Say your piece of mind, and prepare to face the consequences. If you want to have opinions, be ready to defend them. On the other hand, sometimes it's not really worth it if you think about it carefully, and there's truly nothing that you could do except pray and hope for the best to happen. If it doesn't, well then, it's time to let go, so that you can fly again :)